God, i want to know "about" you, but i really really want to know you.
I'd like that solid relationship i hear about.
That child like faith is what i so yearn for in you.
I dont really know how to know you God. I can read books, and listen to lectures to know about you. I can read the bible, and answer questions and all that stuff. But how do i really know you? I am praying to you about it. With the sincerest (i hope) of hearts.
I have dreams God. Images, imaginations, dreams and wishes of a better life. Where i no longer feel so lonely and out of place, and ...and more lonely. The images in my head might not please you God, they might not be what you have stated. That is at least what my current understanding is.
God, i understand that you are all knowing and powerful, and that you know what is best for me. I am just having a super hard time killing my will and straight up submitting to you. I know it is the right thing to do, but the heart just does not stop.
God, please help me do so. Please fix my heart and my head...please make these feelings go away, these images, these thoughts, these desires. If you want, i will be alone all my life....but please give my heart comfort. Please dont make me feel so lonely all the time.
Thank you God, i pray all of this to you in Jesus's name.
"The cold keeps tearing at me
ReplyDeleteSlowing down my blood
Unable to speak
I left my mind long ago
Choosing something false
Always letting go
And when I try to face you
You're walking away" -Grizzly Bear
"Sitting by the river, I think I smell some rain
Silver puddles glitter behind the old jail
Wet snails get wetter, crawling towards perfume
The air silks like snow
Moth wings crumble by a day-lit fire
Ash of dead wood pile
Higher, pyre for false gods,
Blazing mires
Welcome to the afterlife..." -CocoRosie