I need help

Dear God,

I want to write a testimony to you tonight. Or for you. Or whatever. Just write the story.....the story of how i came where i am.

I am hesitant to do it. That it is not going to be good. That it wont be enough. That it wont glorify you the way it should.

Can you please give me the words to write it...

The perseverence to stick through it.

Please give it the heart to actually be true

I dont know where to start from God....i really dont.

What do i say....that i was alone and scared..and so super cool.....

That my insecurities were getting the best of me

That i was lonely and scared..and the thought of ever being tight with anyone was scary for me....

Self love was the driving force in my life

I had abandoned the idea of an afterlife....for an idea to be cool....

That i hated myself...more than i hated most others

That the driving force in my life was self glorification.....

That guidance and truth scared me...

True friendships scared me

They still do

I want to tell the world that i feel much better

that the hole in my heart is almost filled

There are still gaps...but it is slowly getting better

The wound is no longer hurting so much

That i dont cry to sleep every night anymore

The monsters dont talk to me

The exaustng idea of the point system no longer exists....

Its been weird...the last year....

I do feel like a different person in some ways.....and then i fall back in to the drudgery again...

i have started dreaming new things.....better dreams...

Dreams of being fixed...

of being whole...

of being loved....

Of not having to prove myself...

So God....tonight, i need help. please help me articulate these thoughts in a good way....a way which glorifies you..and shows your power more than anything else.

Thankssss