Dear God,
Today is a power sunday. Th day of the week i usually enjoy the most. But i will need your help today.
God, please give me the courage, and normallness i so need at church. i know they are going through some really rough times right now. Please help them and be nice and merciful to them. And also please be merciful to me.
God, I have yet again been fighting temptations and thoughts which might not be the best. Can we please talk about my feelings and desires. I am not yet convicted that you do not hold solid great loving relationships from me. I cant believe that. If you want that for others, and deem relationships to be so important, then why not me.
You know hwere I stand regarding the whole deal. As I get more “grown up” and try (with your MAJOR help, or maybe it is all you) breaking the walls around my heart, I am feeling this “desire”…this need for a relationship. I don’t know what it will look like, or feel like…but it is not the cookie cutter relationship that I visualize. I see sacrifice and love and honor….all the things you like. But part of it you wont like as well, or that is atleast what they tell me
God, I still feel that it is unfair. I know others have it much harder, but that doesn’t make is easier for me. I step out in the society and see nice girls, nad my heart/mind/thoughts just slip over to where they shouldn’t be.
God, please fix me. Please save me from these temptations, if you don’t think that they are what I should be doing. If you are ok with it, please let me know in some way, and help me find someone…and love them…and learn from them…to the best of my capability. If it is not to be, if it doesn’t please you, can you please just take the heart away. Please just take away my heart. I don’t want desires I cant ever attain, or which will upset you. Just make me insensitive and a jerk maybe. Maybe, just don’t let me care for people like I have started. The struggle is hard. I am ok with the physical stuff, but controlling my thoughts is becoming a real struggle. Please help me…….or fix me……..or let me know that it is ok
I say all this in Jesus’s name.
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