Got a great collections of hymns last night....and they have bee rolling in my head all night. The idea of being a sheep and getting directed by God as a shepherd is strangly cmforting. I am one of those who is awkward in strange environmnts, cocky around friends and broken alone. "I will not fear cause u r with me, you are always with me" it brings moisture to my eyes. I haven't cried in so long.........
God I ask you for faith....and perseverence. Please grant me wisdom...and true joy in the heart. God I know I haven't opened my heart fully to you. I still have blocks around my heart, I still feel conscious and out of place, alone and unloved. Please help me. Please open my heart and give me the courage not to be embarrased of you. I love your concept, of having someone who will always be there, who loved me regardless, who actually knows me and even then loves me. The theoretical concept of a loving dad, someone who can just comfort me, one who I don't need to impress, who just knows me and loves me would be so great. I could let go of all these guards. Just hug Him and it would feel comfortable and safe and all things good.
God I m struggling to trust you like this....I really realy want to. Please help me. You can fix me. Please repleace these messed up broken parts with something whole, please let me be guided to play the character, in the story you want to write.
Why do I want to just cry when I think of my brokenness? Please let me feel your love...and please let me love others. God I know I have lots of broken pieces inside my heart. Please don't let them hurt others.
Thank you
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