Please fix me. I am tiered. I am scared. And i give up. I dont want to rebel against you. I dont have the strenght, and i dont want to. You are worthy. Please fix me. My hearts desires. My anger. Jealousy. anger. hatred. covethness. God, it hurts so much, it bothers me SO much when i see Julie and David together. I dont even know why. He is a nice guy. Always nice to me. And i want Julie to be happy. Oh so happy. Please fix my mind and my heart. Make my heart understand what is true and real and good for everyone. Please dont allow this sick feeling or this chocking feeling at the back of the throat to come up. I know it is not a competetion. I was never in the race. So why does it feel like a loss. God, please fix this sadness in me. this vying for attention. This agony of loss. Didnt i mourn this already? Didnt i already tell my heart that i wont have Julie's time or attention anymore. Then why do i struggle for it?
God, maybe there is a lesson you are teaching me over here.....can you still pretty please take this pain away. Return my sleep.
Do i need to stay away from her God? Do i need to just keep on clinging? How do i decide? Please grant me the wisdom to do so. And the perseverence to stick to it. God, please allow me to love well...actually care for her. and for others.
Thank you
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