Calmness in the soul

Hello there twinkle toes,

I write this email to you with hopes that you will receive it well. Please know that i mean nothing but the very best of you. Also, please know that I might be mistaken in some of the assumptions since i haven’t been around you for the past couple of weeks. Most of the thoughts/ideas which are compelling me to write this have kind of been gleaned from you..and by observations over a period of time..but then i might have hearing and visual filters. So, if i am getting this all wrong, sorry :). If not, please consider this to be a humble bond servant (brown) request.

I thought a lot before writing this to you. It has been on my heart for the past couple of month or so. Just didnt want to put it in my earlier letter (different themed). and i think i prayed about it. I didn’t want to write this letter and kind of over step my boundaries with you. Our relationship (purely a boss and servant one :) ) is really really REALLY important to me, but i think (or i know!) right now your well being is a tad bit more important.

Jules, i have known you for a little bit now. And i think (ok, biting the bullet and just spitting it out now) for the past 6 months or so you have been running yourself ragged. It is like your engine is running non stop. If you are not working super extremely hard between two projects, you are working out, or are doing stuff with others, or like saving a kitten! I’ve noticed that you seem to be a little more tiered than usual as well...like you are constantly running a race and never stopping to give yourself a breather. Even on sundays, days when we should be resting it seems that there is a list of “ to do things” for Julie.

I dont know what the cause is, but it cant be good for you. Even in this holiday season, when you have been able to go home and rest a bit, a constant echo i hear from you is that of being tiered (not Luke’s fault ;) ). Maybe you are feeling this “age” pressure thingy as if you are running out of time, maybe you are now becoming a high flying corporate girl who is super ambitious, maybe i am getting all of this wrong...but please consider it.

Julie, from what i have gathered from our conversations, some of the best times you had with Brian were when yall were just hanging out watching TV on the couch (i think u used the word “cuddle”, but i am going to refrain from that...this is still baby taffi.. :) ). Maybe the absence of a boy friend to do that with is causing this restlessness....Not sure. What i do know is that running like this wears out the body, and mind, and soul, and it has been kind of difficult for me (selfish taffi) to see you put yourself through this.

When Jesus says that the second most important commandment is to “love our neighbours as ourselves”, it is usually taken to mean that one should care as much for others as for themselves. But for a giving person like yourself, it might mean the contrary. You have this great gift of helping lots of people. I know i am very thankful for your selfless time giving habits. Pretty sure that Romanthie and Marcy and all your other friends are supremely thankful for it as well. But i fear that you wont be able to give the joy and peace you so nicely do, if you let yourself run dry! I know that you care for yourself, but maybe “demonstrating” it to yourself would be a good idea.

Maybe (just a requested suggestion) it is time to kind of reflect over the past couple of months. If you are not at work, you are at the gym, or at bible study, or hanging out with the church kids, or helping someone out, or getting on a plane, or hanging out with family, or working more. I mean, even during this holiday season, i have seen you online at dreadful hours, actually working. How much time did you have during Christmas just to hang out with yourself ? You are so nice Julie, inviting guests over and such during the holidays and entertaining them well, but did you take the time to “fill” your soul? I may not have been around you to notice, but has the thoughtful contemplative Julie had time to appear? Have you had time to digest all the stuff happening around you, and let thoughts simmer and surface up? It sort of feels that Julie is the one who never gets “Julie time” (and we all know how important that is). Some people (brown) are designed to work long hours, without real vacations, they have to “win” their place in the world and prove their worth. You however Jules, are way better than that! You have nothing to prove, the universe is at your finger tips. Then why this constant “busyness”?

Maybe i am wrong about this.

Actually, i hope i am.

I hope that i am reading it all wrong, and that you are fine and not hiding from yourself by surrounding yourself with people.

I hope that you are not constantly running, to prevent yourself from resolving something you need to.

Actually, you are a very well thought out person. I dont think you would ever do such a thing ;), but still....just checking.

Julie, if i got this all wrong, if you are fine and chilling and well rested and peaceful, i am sorry. If i over stepped my boundaries and offended you regarding this, i am really sorry as well. If this is kind of right (a teensy weensy itsy bitsy right), and there is anything i can do to assist (even if that means cancelling Julie/taffi time so that julie can have some julie/julie time....though i really do desire some julie/taffi time) just let me know.

Thank you Jules
Taffi
ps:
Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God”
ps2: So i do realize that this is a selfish wish, but I just dont want any adverse harmful effects of a continuous run on Julie. Just cant be having that :). The world needs lovely people like you, so it is my duty to ensure that you are well taken care of :)