Dear God,
This pain is going deep in my soul. A searing fire which seems to trouble me to no end. I dont know what to ask of you. I ask you for some peace in my soul. I am feeling very long and abandonded now. As if my only friend walked away from me. As if my soul is dying, one minute at a time. I am having a hard time seeing hope and joy in my life God. I am not sure if i should ask you for joy, if it is temporary. If it puts a bandaid on my bleeding heart, when what is truly needed is for all the poisoned blood to flow out.
I dont like this abandoned feeling God. Please make it stop. Please make my heart stop crying. Please give me truth and wisdom and endurance and perseverence. Please give me humility and gratitude. And above all God, i ask you for joy. Please give me some deep seated joy. I am SO tiered of crying inside all the time.
God, i want to honestly love others. Be there for them. I am feeling as if i am not cared for by her though. As if she is way more important to me, than i am to her.Why do i need to feel like this Lord? Why do i have to be hurt most from the people i care about most? What are you actually developing in me for this? And how do i ensure that i get it..
Why should it hurt me? Why do i feel rejected and disrespected by Julie by her not communicating with me. I dont want to dislike anyone.....yet that is what feels most natural. To dislike the one who stole her from me. Though she was never mine. Makes no sense.
God, what i am requesting for is healing. Is for this wound to be filled. For the feelings of being alone and the prediction of being forever this way to be banished! If it be your will, please give me someone to adore completely, to share myself with, to be one with all with the journey towards you. But if not God, let me not feel this pain so much. Let me be obsessed with something real. Something which makes a difference.
I need faith please. Let me not struggle for it. Please grant me truth..and energy. God, i want to be real.
This pain is going deep in my soul. A searing fire which seems to trouble me to no end. I dont know what to ask of you. I ask you for some peace in my soul. I am feeling very long and abandonded now. As if my only friend walked away from me. As if my soul is dying, one minute at a time. I am having a hard time seeing hope and joy in my life God. I am not sure if i should ask you for joy, if it is temporary. If it puts a bandaid on my bleeding heart, when what is truly needed is for all the poisoned blood to flow out.
I dont like this abandoned feeling God. Please make it stop. Please make my heart stop crying. Please give me truth and wisdom and endurance and perseverence. Please give me humility and gratitude. And above all God, i ask you for joy. Please give me some deep seated joy. I am SO tiered of crying inside all the time.
God, i want to honestly love others. Be there for them. I am feeling as if i am not cared for by her though. As if she is way more important to me, than i am to her.Why do i need to feel like this Lord? Why do i have to be hurt most from the people i care about most? What are you actually developing in me for this? And how do i ensure that i get it..
Why should it hurt me? Why do i feel rejected and disrespected by Julie by her not communicating with me. I dont want to dislike anyone.....yet that is what feels most natural. To dislike the one who stole her from me. Though she was never mine. Makes no sense.
God, what i am requesting for is healing. Is for this wound to be filled. For the feelings of being alone and the prediction of being forever this way to be banished! If it be your will, please give me someone to adore completely, to share myself with, to be one with all with the journey towards you. But if not God, let me not feel this pain so much. Let me be obsessed with something real. Something which makes a difference.
I need faith please. Let me not struggle for it. Please grant me truth..and energy. God, i want to be real.
Pain. I feel... some small portion of the pain that seems present here for you.
ReplyDeleteHumility. I am relieved to know... and feel a little embarrassed to think that I believed so much of what is special about our friendship & kinship was about me.
Narcissism? The question arises... as it must in this self-critical institution of isolation our society produces so efficiently. Yet, I see God. I hear God in my pain and yours.
Odd... I'm not saying Ours. Why not? Am I afraid?